Forever Alone.

I don't understand boys. Well, I know that they require food, oxygen, sleep and sunlight to grow and corn chips and porn to continue on living, but other than that I'm completely missing the part between the "Hey" they start with and the "Umm..." I get when I realise I've said something weird like how disgusting I find the words "moist" and "orifice" or telling a story that a) has no clear punchline and b) probably wasn't that appropriate anyway.

So I'm single...

Hard to believe I know considering my winning personality and classic good looks, but somehow between my uncanny ability to make a terrible first impression and general habit of saying things that seemed much funnier in my head, boys tend to run for it, or climb up a tree or something - I don't know, they're a very limber bunch...

Limber....a word that should never be used in conjunction with a human being, let alone a group of them.

Now I have a friend who has a new girlfriend nearly every month - but he'll tell you he's not a player - he can't help it that so many girls fall in love with him... He's like an overly available year seven, changing his relationship status every few weeks - and hence he's my go-to-guy if I want 'quality' advice. Now I won't mention his name, because Trystan wouldn't like that, but he does offer me quite possibly the worst dating advice I have ever heard, and hence I blame him for all my errors - Among many of his great suggestions were:

1. If you're ever nervous about meeting up with a guy - just drink until you're calm! Because if ever you are at all emotionally unbalanced - numb the feelings with alcohol - and a lot of it! It will make you more attractive to the opposite sex and if you drink enough, you won't feel the nerves for days after under that hangover!

2. If you're ever going through a hard break up, you should just find a rebound boy for a week or two. Don't bother to consider his feelings because let's be honest, he's male and will therefore be more than happy to go along with it -

- and people tell me Gingers have no souls.

Alas, today I have things to do, people to see and cats to collect as I slowly head towards my inevitable fate as a crazy cat-woman... so we'll talk soon hey?

Hope all is well.