Home sweet Home

I am now back in the homeland for the next six weeks after a painful 22.5 hour flight which saw me sit next to a fifty year old german man discussing his relationship issues (he was single and had never been married) with me for the first 14 hours, followed by a rather nice couple from the Netherlands on the second flight who were forced to get up at 45 minute intervals so I could pee.

I don't know what it is about flying exactly, but it just makes me angry. Certainly the idiots I am always forced to sit next to don't help. I mean seriously, I don't know at what point Mr. Germ thought I was interested in discussing his lack of a love life but the whole thing was like one really long and uninteresting episode of 'How I didn't meet your mother and turned to prostitutes instead' without the lovable Barney Stinson to make it funny. To add to that I felt exhausted the whole second flight but couldn't sleep. I'n not quite sure what it is about sitting in the window seat with two people sleeping peacefully next to me, but the whole thing just makes my bladder fill, which of course means that they have to get up every time I need to go...which was a lot...for no real reason. Maybe it was just subconscious revenge for the first 14 hours? Or maybe I was trying to find myself a man so I don't assault people with tears and cats at the age of 50. None the less they suggested that we switch seats - I refused....

And then comes the Jetlag. I slept all day Thursday and none of Friday. It is now Saturday and I'm debating playing dead fish till 7pm when I have a party to go to...I know. I am the party person. Can you sense just how much fun Imma be?

My bed is calling and telling me it's nap time now. I know - this post was mindblowingly riveting but I hope your day is somewhat more eventful than mine will be.

and as per usual -

Hope all is well.

Long time coming.

Ok I've been bad. There's been a shamefully large gap between posts but I've been travelling and got addicted to Game of Thrones...it's not my fault!

So during this rather large break I have:

Got a lot of my hair cut off (see picture). Worked out nicely really because they will now use the 38cm of hair I cut off to make a wig for a child with cancer. So I not only gave to charity, but I created a new Ginger without getting knocked up, I'm like a modern Virgin Mary

Got arrested. Well that was more of a misunderstanding really. Unlike in Australia, Germans take even the smallest law far too seriously. Cross a road whilst it's still red and they look like they're gonna die of shock and don't even THINK of eating a grape in a supermarket to check if they're any good (admittedly I don't do that...people touch that fruit and they are dirty), anyways so I was with my Russian couch surfer and we wanted to go one stop forward (he wasn't much of a walker...) so instead of paying the 1.10 euro for one stop, we just hopped on and got caught with no ticket. I cried, pretended I didn't speak any German and told them I was a tourist and yet those heartless controllers not only fined me 40 euro, but called the cops coz I didn't have my passport on me and apparently every other card (including my LICENSE) with my name and photo on it wasn't proof enough that I am in fact - me. For what it was worth though, the Police were so awesomely hot I felt that my being arrested at 11pm and having to call my mother was totally worth it...

I also went and saw one of my favourite bands (Rise Against) perform and watched the shameful efforts of the German Mosh Pit, I mean really people, is fist pumping all you can really manage? I want to see stretchers by the dozen taking people out of the crowd with broken ribs, black eyes and clumps of hair missing...that's moshing as it should be. That being said I never get in the mosh pit. A) because I don't want to die, B) because I'm too short to actually see the stage and C) because I don't want to die, so maybe I'm not exactly an expert here...

I also went to Paris with a large number of stereotypes in hand and not enough money for any normal person to get by on. I did Paris in five days on 180 euro (including transport), luckily if you're a citizen of the EU or live here and are under 26 then everything is free - Bazinga (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfL4-C8OCys&feature=related) For what it is worth though I came back with 10 euro in hand and got a new perspective on stereotypes. I mean if one more person tells me that the French are rude, girly or that their capital city is filled with dog poo imma have to tell them that - well ok that's kinda right in some cases- but for the most part I found Paris to be quite clean and as long as they didn't think I was a gypsy asking for money they were up for giving me directions - shame they were nearly always in French...

Although I did almost have to become a Gypsy at one point when I missed my train back home to Stuttgart and was told I'd have to buy another ticket. Now if you book three days ahead it will cost around 50 euro, two hours before and it'll be around 200 euro. Given that I had exactly 10.40 euro to my name and that my phone was dead I knew I wasn't going anywhere and after a week of travel and...lots of wine tastings with my awesome hosts....I had no voice and a nasty cough. So I did what I always do when I want officials to feel sorry for me - I cried - and you know what? Not only did I get on the next express train to Stuttgart for free, but I was in the First Class cabin and got a free lunch to go along with it. I am the Ginger God.

That's it for now, need to go pack - My plane for Australia leaves in 9 hours! So excited!

Hope all is well.