Sunday, July 22, 2012

Switzerland tried to kill me.

Today we went to Lindau. Today I almost drowned.

I'd like to keep my dignity and say that I didn't, that I was just taking a small break, gracefully lying on my back in the water - but I wasn't. I was struggling and the boat we had hired seemed to get further away every time I glanced up from the water in a panic - because unfortunately unlike normal Australians - I can't really swim. After years of weekly lessons and school swimming competitions my swimming skills pretty much cover how not to die - Or so I thought, seems I may have overestimated my skills a little there... 


Luckily for me, Pascal jumped into the water to save his damsel in distress as she put more effort into telling people to stop asking if she was ok than actually keeping her head above water *cue dramatic splashing scene* Unfortunately it seemed to be an out of the frying pan and into the fire kind of situation, with Pascal deciding the best way to drag me back to the boat was by my neck - Fate had it that I was going to survive drowning only to be choked to death by my lifesaver. 


Now when you almost die your life doesn't flash before your eyes, you don't get to see what you did well or where you went wrong - mostly you just see water, and a lot of it... Then you drink said water and think about how gross that is because millions of swans, ducks and fish have excreted their waste into your current drinking source, not to mention all the semi-(and completely) naked germans swimming in the water all around you... Then you realise you need to die gracefully and try to look calm and peaceful as you give up on doggie-paddling your way to salvation. Admittedly any elegance I had retained by that point was lost through the sounds I made as Pascal semi-choked whatever life was left in me trying to get me back on board but -


 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySzgYVqk4p8

(Couldn't help myself)


The real challenge with drowning though, is actually surviving it - because then you have to maintain your dignity afterwards... Of course I tried to play it off as an act, pretending that it was really just an overly theatrical performance and that I hadn't really panicked, just wanted everyone to prove their loyalty... That didn't really work though and instead I had four people asking "Are you ok?" at once. Thank god the hero of the day - Ash - went on to tell me that he would have come to my rescue but he felt there was no reason for two of us to die when he's going off to travel at the end of this week... 

Luckily I recovered my usual pep by throwing Pascal's underwear into the water as he awkwardly tried to get changed, hoping to watch a passer-by swim right into them and distract from my shame. However it would seem gravity is no one's friend, and we watched them sink to the bottom of the lake through tears of laughter before he had any chance of rescuing them,. Guess who had to freeball it for the rest of the afternoon?


My hero.


Hope all is well.



Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Smitten Kitten.

Sometimes I forget to write, other times I have nothing to write about, but more often - the internet is out and I have to find something constructive to do with my time here on earth.


Wow, that was dramatic - shame I can't keep that up...


So in the last few weeks I:


Went to Southside and drank and slept and ate and actually had the best weekend ever, bruises, unsanitary-ness and all. At one point I actually fell to the ground in the Rise Against mosh pit and quietly accepted my death as the crowd jumped up and down without considering what they were stepping on... Luckily a guy quite literally picked me up and gave me back to my friends, who laughed and asked why I made no attempt to get up - what can I say? I didn't want to interrupt the final film roll of my life flashing past my eyes.


Drama.


I headed to Berlin with the family I babysit for and went on a boat tour and ate an inexplicable amount of currywurst - it was lovely.


I was also attacked by a bear! Well no, not really but I felt there wasn't enough drama in that episode.


Amy, a friend from Australia came to town and we did a few touristy things and then proceeded to go out for a few quiet drinks one Tuesday night and come home at 4am with two random boys (one who was on crutches) and then dump them on the couch with a sleeping bag between them before heading to bed ourselves. Amy spewed all night - all night - luckily I had enough alcohol in my system to kill a small horse and slept through it, only to wake up to her having coated the right hand side of my bed with her body fluids. So I got to work with the bleach and any other cleaning product I could find and all is well again - can't say the same for the two boys though who were probably hoping to get somewhere with us - but instead were offered the couch, told to go to sleep and had to face my mother in the morning - That's a story they'll be telling the grand kids....


I also met a guy, he's quite nice. Well we've really only just met so the only reason I'm mentioning this is because last night my mother decided to give me "The Talk"  #3456789875,  which I'm pretty sure she did purely to amuse herself... In that hour and a half of pain she recommended different forms of contraception and used the words "sexually attracted to him" far too often - although as far as I'm concerned, saying it at all is one time too many. I sat there and tried not to squirm as she reminded me of those year eight sex-ed lessons where you all stick a condom on a chair leg or a banana or something (my school couldn't afford bananas for our year level apparently...) Well admittedly, she wasn't nearly so detailed and really she just wanted to recommend I avoid getting any STD's, the worst one of course being a baby, but that didn't stop me telling him this morning that my mum wanted to have a talk with him - he's living in fear now - so he should....


Hope all is well.